The Gem Bar and Dining Room: 289 Wellington Street Collingwood

For something completely different, we visited the Gem Bar and Dining Room in Collingwood. This is a grungy, rockabilly, 90s esque Newtown (Sydney) bar that serves American BBQ classics, only with better produce (in my humble opinion).

I ordered the beef brisket because the last time I had brisket in Melbourne (at Meat Mother Richmond) I was so seriously drunk I thought it was the best food ever (I may have annoyingly said that ten times over while I was devouring it). Since I was drunk that is an unreliable memory that needs to be tested (disclaimer: I have never been game to try brisket in America as I am afraid of mass produced grain fed feedlot beef, but I digress).

The Gem served me brisket that well and truly lived up to expectations. It wasn't just tender and juicy, which most places these days can master, it was also rich and smoky and just yum. If all brisket tastes like this, it is amazing (I'm totally getting Senor Gringo a smoker for xmas). Coupled with home made pickles and hand cut fries, we had food gold (although I did skip the okra, that was just a little weird).

My friends had the pork brisket (also similarly smoky with seasoning you wish was one of your family secrets), the cheese burger (suitably with the jack cheese and onion rings) and the smoked eggplant and mushroom veggie burger. All of us were happy except my vegetarian friend, who thought her burger tasted too meaty (she is not one of those vegetarians that would eat mock meat products or anything that reminds her of actual animals - no fakin' bacon here).

I loved this place and not just because it was nostalgic and reminded me of the inner west in Sydney but because the food was great and it had a fantastic vibe. With a place like this around the corner I would probably go out to pubs more. It was a perfect Sunday evening.

Bowery to Williamsburg: 16 Oliver Lane Melbourne

So the whole quitting bread thing didn't last very long but oh my was the lapse worth it! The Bowery serve up some damn fine pastrami on rye with pickles and sauerkraut. The pastrami was just like what my grandma used to make (and torture Senor Gringo with - she was convinced a grown man could easily finish 1kg of meat in five days - the poor thing ate it for breakfast and lunch for the whole trip). The meat was so clearly real actual meat, you could see the grain of the meat and there was a line of fat along the edge, which was easily removed. It was so very very tasty - sweet and salty and smoky all at once. 

Senor Gringo ordered a Philly Cheese Steak. It was apparently suitably greasy without being sickly and the peppers and mushrooms nicely offset the cheesy-ness. 

Only problem is, we were not the only ones to figure out that the Bowery offeres tasty, good quality NY-esque food. The cafe is packed, you wait close to ten minutes for a table at lunch time and it can get very loud. Unless you are seated outside probably don't plan on catching up with a long lost friend for that much needed conversation. 

The staff are very accommodating, even for the fussy eaters amongst us (my sandwich needed a couple of modifications and even though they were so busy they got it right). 

Seating is mostly at a long communal bench, with a few smaller tables inside and out. The menu is on black boards on the wall and changes even during mealtimes (some dishes were added and others removed as they went). There are a couple of vegetarian options, vegans would have to survive on garden salad and celiacs would have to make it well known if they have an issue with cross contamination (there are gluten free breads available for an extra charge or the salads are gluten free). 

Two ticks. Way better than a lot of food I've had in American (although I must confess since 97% of beef in America is raised in feedlots I usually go meat free unless I can get organic). If you want a good quality sarnie for lunch & you have the time I certainly recommend the Bowery to Williamsburg. 

Naked for Satan

Naked for Satan is a great little bar. It feels like a library for booze! Walls lined with bottles of alcohol, dark wood shelves, lush bench seats and sample platters to help you choose your tipple (a welcome addition since they have a 18 page drinks menu). Plus, as someone who loves snack sized food, I think the pintos are adorable. What I didn't expect is nearly everyone of them is on bread. Once I moved on from that fact I just settled in to enjoy. There are so many to choose from and for only $2 each ($1 in happy hour), how can you not? They even cater for vegans (albeit with fewer options).  

For more substantial food, head upstairs to the roof top bar and restaurant for Spanish inspired entrees, mains and desserts, which I'm assured are very good (I can't move beyond the pintos). 

The staff can be grumpy jerks or absolutely wonderful - be warned. 

Two ticks. This is such a fabulous Melbourne bar you can't help being impressed. 

Plough Hotel: 333 Barkly St Footscray

Not much to look at from the outside, this place serves fabulous hearty food that is geared towards carnivores but still offers something for everyone. 

I brought a friend here from out of town who loves seafood and red meat, favours pub food that will raise his cholesterol levels but also is a bit of a food snob who doesn't want to slum it with the average working man. Said friend ordered from the specials board - scallops with black pudding (eew), fennel, radish and watercress, followed by a t-bone steak with salad and some sort of baked vegetable and cheese dish. Senor Gringo ravished a steak with creamy mash and I felt very healthy and content having the ancient grain salad with a side of green beans (both veganised).

The food tasted very rich and indulgent but as the portions were not stomach stretching we felt deserving (we like to kid ourselves sometimes). 

The drinks menu is equally high quality, well priced and the source of my new favourite whiskey - Laphraoig, a ten year old single malt scotch from the Isle of Islay, $12 a shot here, up to $18 elsewhere. 

We all enjoyed our night out and Senor Gringo and I will likely be back for his birthday. Hats off to the owners for a job well done. 

Two ticks (although Senor Gringo voted three stars on behalf of all the steak lovers out there)

 

Rose Garden BBQ: 435 Elizabeth Street Melbourne

The Good Food Guide describes this place as a no frills Chinese fast food shop that has been around for over 20 years and that is exactly what it is.

I love this place. It has a massive menu, everything is tasty, served quickly and is well prepared. It is not fancy, you wouldn't take a date here, it does not serve nouveau cuisine, it just classic Chinese food that you and I have been eating since the 80s. You know what to expect and most of your favourites are here, including bbq duck (though sadly no dry fried chilli beef).

The service is a bit quirky and I noticed that quite a few people have complained about it online but honestly I found it amusing. Take my first Rose Garden BBQ experience for example, it was a really hot day, every table inside was taken and the only one outside was in the sun. I asked the waitress if I could sit there, she said yes but as I walked over she looked around and saw that I wouldn't be undercover and came rushing over and said 'no, no, no, you no sit there, you sit with these people.' Then she proceeded to tell a large group of people to shuffle down and make room for me under the umbrella. I thought this was sweet - I'm strawberry blonde and I would have burned to a crisp in ten minutes.

Then, after I had ordered, the group departed and a man and his friend came and sat next to us. The same waitress came over to take their order. The gentleman to the left of Senor Gringo's asked for a wonton soup. She said, 'no, too hot, you order something else.' He said, 'that's okay, I'll order the soup.' She replied, 'no, you big man, too hot.' Slightly affronted, he ordered the fried chicken. Once it arrived I asked him if he was glad she told him not to order the soup, he said 'yeah, the chicken was fantastic.

In conclusion, if you are a sensitive type, maybe this place isn't for you but I feel they have your best interests at heart and want you to enjoy your experience. I'll be going back to this place whenever I'm on this side of town. At lunch it is really busy and there are long lines but people move in and out so quickly you won't be waiting long.

Pics of our food are below, all very tasty and slightly salty (exactly how I want my fast food, don't kid yourself that you're going here for health reasons)

:

 tofu stir fry, didn't realise it had chicken to avoid but well worth it, even with the conspicuous lack of vegetables

shredded duck and pickled veg fried rice. Mmm mm good

 

Mr Nice Guy: 10 Healeys Lane Melbourne

Mr Nice Guy is a cute little Thai food place off of Little Lonsdale St. It is slightly quirky and tries to do Thai food with a slightly modern flair.

The lunch menu has the key entree, salad, curry and stir fry dishes you want to see plus a couple of chefs specials that offer something different. The food is good quality and tasty and has enough variety that will make me want to come back for more.

Senor Gringo and I shared the tofu salad and massamun curry. The salad had crispy tofu, shredded carrot, red onion, tomatoes and lettuce. It was smothered with satay sauce that while tasty in itself was a bit much for the salad - ask for the dressing on the side and you will solve this problem in a second. The beef in the massamun curry fell apart when I attempted to pick it up, just want you want from a curry dish, and as a nice touch it had broccoli and carrot in addition to the usual potatoes. As I love veggies, this made me happy. Plus, bonus points for them, you can choose white rice, brown rice or rice noodles to accompany your meal. There were also a range of vegan options (or dishes that can be veganised) and celiacs would be well catered for.

Nearly every table had a plate of spring rolls or fish cakes accompanied by lettuce leaves and dipping sauce. So next time I visit Mr Nice Guy I'm going to vote with the crowd and give these a whirl.

Two ticks, I would be a (semi) regular if this place was near my work. Only wish - that this place would have more spice and less sweetness to their food.

Kokoro Ramen: 157 Lonsdale Street Melbourne

Let's be clear, ramen is definitely not high brow food. But it is certainly yummy and sometimes just what you need.

Kokoro Ramen is a student haven (the exact sort of people you would trust to pick out good ramen). It is cheap and fast and loud. They have a whole bunch of mix and match meal deals and design your own ramen options, along with chef selections. The noodles are homemade and so is the gyoza but... they make it once a week and then freeze it. You can kind of tell. I would still recommend it as the broth is delicious, so rich and warming.

Fussy eaters do need to be careful though. The tofu salad comes with a creamy sauce that contains egg, as do a good number of the onigiri. The vegetarian ramen is advertised as having a vegan broth but I asked what is in it and they mentioned butter (random). The vegan ramen also contains egg noodles - you can go without but you need to specify thin noodles not curly noodles. I have had the vegan broth twice and it tasted completely different each time. The second time I spent the afternoon coughing, clearing my throat and feeling as though I was wading through concrete. I recommend you check and double check your order. When you do they generally call over someone that speaks better English and you shouldn't have any problems (no guarantees). The pork broth is the best.

Things they do well: Agedashi tofu

Tempura

Edamame

Miso soup

Ramen soup

meal deals

Bring cash and enjoy Two ticks

 meal deal sized ramen, gyoza & onigiri 

Dikstein's Corner Bar: 433 Little Collins Street Melbourne

This bar feels like a home away from home. There is something I really like about it. It has that cosy, cluttered feel. The shelves are full of old wine bottles and cigar boxes and other little kitschy things.

The food is hearty and homely - pizza, pasta, goulash, stew and pasties. The pizza seems to be the star, there was one on every table. The dough is freshly made on the premises, not store bought and has the perfect texture. Along with the perfect size, single serve presented on a bread board.

I chose the salami pizza with pickled peppers. Mmm salami and pickled peppers. It was so good. Senor Gringo had the bococcini and pesto pizza. Apparently very flavoursome but a little on the oily side - really what would you expect with pesto and cheese??

I'm going back. Next time it will be after work and I'll have one of their many whiskeys to accompany my pizza. Check the facebook page, they have deals pretty regularly and not just on cocktails.

Two ticks

Los Latinos: 128 Mitchell Street Maidstone

In demonstrating my commitment to the tick strategy, I have been to Los Latinos three times (although this is my first review).

If you care about service and the vibe of a restaurant this is not the place for you. If you want home style cooking that has probably stayed the same for eons, visit Los Latinos.

It is a strange little place. It is small and bright but it looks like it was furnished in the 1980s with little attention since. The main waiter is also a bit tired and in need of a little energy - he can become quite flustered and huff and puff and roll his eyes when you request to be seated or served. Ignore it. I bet he works long hours and needs a break.

The menu is dominated by plantains, pupusas (a much thicker version of a tortilla), shredded beef/pork/chicken and the odd seafood dish. Everything we had our first time round was amazing – chorizo in little tortillas with zesty fresh salsa; vegetarian tacos tinga made on the spot with pico de gallo and guacamole; plus some kind of platter with strips of beef, greens, pico de gallo and rice (sadly I haven’t been able to figure out what this was, perhaps they made a mistake when they piled all these options on one plate). Everything was well balanced with a good mix of zing and earthy flavours. Paired with a margarita (not the frozen kind) and it was home style foodie heaven.

Second time around we ordered nachos, which was totally rubbish – supermarket corn chips, an unappetising dollop of beans and a tiny smidge of salsa. I asked for the beef version with no cheese or sour cream and they obviously decided I really just wanted beans. Not nice. Stay away from any of the corn chips options. You could do better yourself. Our second dish was shredded beef, beans, rice, plantains and arepas (a south American flatbread) served on a sizzling plate. I asked for no dairy but I got it anyway. This dish was nice but without something fresh to break up the flavours it did feel a bit stodgy.

On our third trip we ordered the chorizo entrée again – yum, the beef tacos tinga – also very yum and yuca frita con chicharonnes – deep fried plantain (think potato or taro), with pork (belly maybe), curtido (fermented cabbage) and a hot chilli salsa. This was a wonderful choice – lots of flavour, everything was very balanced and my belly sung the chefs praises.

In essence, order a dish with a mix of fresh and cooked ingredients, stay away from the corn chips, ignore the rubbish service and order yourself a beer. It’ll make for a good start to your weekend I promise.

Two ticks.