Plough Hotel: 333 Barkly St Footscray

Not much to look at from the outside, this place serves fabulous hearty food that is geared towards carnivores but still offers something for everyone. 

I brought a friend here from out of town who loves seafood and red meat, favours pub food that will raise his cholesterol levels but also is a bit of a food snob who doesn't want to slum it with the average working man. Said friend ordered from the specials board - scallops with black pudding (eew), fennel, radish and watercress, followed by a t-bone steak with salad and some sort of baked vegetable and cheese dish. Senor Gringo ravished a steak with creamy mash and I felt very healthy and content having the ancient grain salad with a side of green beans (both veganised).

The food tasted very rich and indulgent but as the portions were not stomach stretching we felt deserving (we like to kid ourselves sometimes). 

The drinks menu is equally high quality, well priced and the source of my new favourite whiskey - Laphraoig, a ten year old single malt scotch from the Isle of Islay, $12 a shot here, up to $18 elsewhere. 

We all enjoyed our night out and Senor Gringo and I will likely be back for his birthday. Hats off to the owners for a job well done. 

Two ticks (although Senor Gringo voted three stars on behalf of all the steak lovers out there)

 

Bierkeller: 306 Bridge Road Richmond

After great joy, comes great disappointment. 

Inspired by Octoberfest, Senor Gringo and I headed to an Austrian restaurant in Richmond for dinner with friends. As you may have guessed by now I love pickles, fermented foods and processed and cured meats (sausages, salami, bacon & the like) and even though I have to be careful to avoid dairy, German and Austrian restaurants can be comfort food heaven. 

I ordered the weisswurst with sauerkraut, horseradish, mustard and bread (the other sausages were not fussy eater friendly), Senor Gringo ordered the pork schnitzel with cranberry sauce and a size of fries, accompanied by a stein of dark beer for him and a schnapps for me. 

Everything was disappointing. My weisswurst was boiled and flavourless and there wasn't enough mustard and horseradish to improve it (with these accompaniments being similarly dull); Senor Gringo's portions were ample but the food was so lackluster he didn't want to eat it all (does a schnitzel really need to be plate sized?). My schnapps was on the acidic side and not in a pleasant way - it reminded me of stealing the booze my parents had on the side table throughout my teen years (they clearly didn't drink it for a reason). And Senor Gringo's beer wasn't anything he would order again. 

Our friends said their food was similarly meh. Good atmosphere but in my humble opinion they have focused on looks and portion size at the expense of taste. Although perhaps I am just not the target audience - those massive parma places attract a certain kind of crowd. 

One tick. I suggest they visit the Rhinedorf in Beverly Hills NSW if they ever get the chance - now that places knows good food! 

Bangpop: 35 S Wharf Promenade South Whaf

Here is a restaurant that is not getting the attention that it deserves simply because it is in the wrong place - South Wharf. It has food to rival Chin Chin, a great atmosphere and an enviable list of cocktails. 

I walked right in on a Saturday night with no booking, was seated promptly and then struggled to choose what I wanted to eat as everything sounded so appetising. I settled on the pad thai with no egg or shrimp and the pork belly croutons with stir fry Chinese broccoli, soy, chilli and garlic. The dishes were huge but we courageously powered through, did a little dance in our seats and blessed the universe for chefs that can cook so well. 

Words fail me when I try to explain why but I think the following questions say it all: 

• How come some people can cook the food that is served at thousands of other places and just do it so much better? 
• Why aren't more people blessed with this talent?
• Is food allowed to taste this amazing?   

I recommend you take friends, as many friends as you have, and then insist on ordering for all of you so you can taste lots of dishes. They will thank you at the end of the day, even if they do call you bossy. 

Here are some pictures to wet your appetite: 

We're back (after being turned away twice, turns out you need to book for standard dining hours). 

This time we ordered the beef short ribs with salad as well as the vegan rice crackers with a red chilli and herbs dipping sauce (nam prik ta). 

The beef short ribs were AMAZING. They were caramelly and smokey all at once, with a little chilli zing. They were perfectly matched with a cucumber, bean shoot and cashew nut salad that was tangy and citrusy but not too sharp. The rice crackers were also great, my only gripe is that there was not enough sauce. It was so good I wanted more and there was only enough for a little on each cracker. I would order these again to dip in a curry.

We also ordered mocktails. Usually I steer clear from mocktails as I consider them overpriced fruit juice with a distinct lack of booze but these were stunning, with lots of flavour. 

Threefold: 381 Flinders Lane Melbourne

Being a Sydney-ite originally, I can't help but think of things in the context of home. Threefold would fit very well into The Rocks or Darlinghurst; they serve food that is a cross between what you would expect at an old school bar or upmarket cafe. Nothing offensive or risque but all very good quality and locally sourced.

The Good Food Guide has this place pegged as a destination for a working lunch, with main meals that have French leanings. There are ample home made cakes, tarts and pastries on display. A few rich and hearty salads (not fussy eater friendly), toasties, sandwiches and home made pies.

I ordered a tomato salami toastie with mustard and even though it came on very white bread (the bane of my life) it was still very good. Senor Gringo ordered a steak sandwich with relish and a side of green beans and salad (coated in butter and therefore off limits to the likes of me).

My meal left me wanting a cider and an afternoon nap, although that is possibly because this is the sort of meal I would have on the odd occasion, in a beer garden somewhere. The price was very reasonable considering the quality (less than $30 for two people) and I would say it would appeal to a wide variety of people, though possibly not the fussiest of eaters (I am not sure celiacs could eat here, nor vegans, though there are vegetarian options).

One tick. Good but not what I really seek in a lunch venue. It would suit my dad or his generation more.

  

Rice Paper Scissors: Fitzroy and Melbourne CBD

A post about Rose BBQ offers a nice little segway into a discussion about Rice Paper Scissors. This place does offer nouveau cuisine/Asian fusion and it does it very well - tasty, zesty flavours that pay homage to authentic and traditional dishes.

Rice Paper Scissors is my favourite restaurant in Melbourne, not just because I love modern Asian food but because everything is small and you get to try a little of so many things. For a couple, the standard option is five dishes for $55 (27.50 each - bargain). If there are more of you, you all order the same five dishes, they just bring out the number of portions you need. They are flexible and do allow group members to order different options, provided you don't have a group over 12, but don't make it too complicated - be nice to my Rice Paper Scissors peeps, they bring me food gold.

I have tried about half the dishes on the menu and nothing has disappointed me. My must haves are the twice cooked pork belly with tamarind caramel sauce, the steamed pork bun with delectable crispy pork belly, shallots, cucumber and hoisin sauce. Depending on my mood, I then add a veggie dish of some sort, roast duck and one or more of the meat options. I even trust the chefs so much that I'm going to try the lime cured kingfish next time. I need to eat seafood and one of these days my taste buds are going to catch up and learn to love it.

In terms of the flavours, everything is bold but not overpowering. There isn't any misplaced sweetness, just the right mix of tangy, sour and spice. It is fussy eater friendly as nearly everything is gluten free, dairy free and egg free. I don't have to alter a thing but vegans would definitely struggle and perhaps might even need to go elsewhere.

The only downside is you have to wait. They only take bookings for big groups and they allow an hour for each sitting. I have been turned away many times, including once when I arrived two minutes after the bar opened, not even the restaurant - the street was packed and a waiting list was already going. The Fitzroy place is more than double the size of the city venue and you can sometimes get a table with no wait but the staff are not as friendly (a few huffy, puffy, I'm too good for you types).

Now, here is where I rail against the Good Food Guide. Rice Paper Scissors was not in any of the 2015 guides. Any!! I sincerely hope they have rectified this for the 2016 version, otherwise I am going to have to question their taste buds. This restaurant has well and truly earned its three ticks. Come and fight me to get a table and don't get offended if I try to glare at you to hurry the hell up, finish your Asian inspired cocktail and let me at it!

 

daffy duck  

 mmm, look how crispy that is. So delectable 

 lemongrass cocktail

 twice cooked pork belly, looks are deceiving, it is very crispy

 quintessential Melbourne

ribs, a dish I don't eat elsewhere (portions for five of us)

Rose Garden BBQ: 435 Elizabeth Street Melbourne

The Good Food Guide describes this place as a no frills Chinese fast food shop that has been around for over 20 years and that is exactly what it is.

I love this place. It has a massive menu, everything is tasty, served quickly and is well prepared. It is not fancy, you wouldn't take a date here, it does not serve nouveau cuisine, it just classic Chinese food that you and I have been eating since the 80s. You know what to expect and most of your favourites are here, including bbq duck (though sadly no dry fried chilli beef).

The service is a bit quirky and I noticed that quite a few people have complained about it online but honestly I found it amusing. Take my first Rose Garden BBQ experience for example, it was a really hot day, every table inside was taken and the only one outside was in the sun. I asked the waitress if I could sit there, she said yes but as I walked over she looked around and saw that I wouldn't be undercover and came rushing over and said 'no, no, no, you no sit there, you sit with these people.' Then she proceeded to tell a large group of people to shuffle down and make room for me under the umbrella. I thought this was sweet - I'm strawberry blonde and I would have burned to a crisp in ten minutes.

Then, after I had ordered, the group departed and a man and his friend came and sat next to us. The same waitress came over to take their order. The gentleman to the left of Senor Gringo's asked for a wonton soup. She said, 'no, too hot, you order something else.' He said, 'that's okay, I'll order the soup.' She replied, 'no, you big man, too hot.' Slightly affronted, he ordered the fried chicken. Once it arrived I asked him if he was glad she told him not to order the soup, he said 'yeah, the chicken was fantastic.

In conclusion, if you are a sensitive type, maybe this place isn't for you but I feel they have your best interests at heart and want you to enjoy your experience. I'll be going back to this place whenever I'm on this side of town. At lunch it is really busy and there are long lines but people move in and out so quickly you won't be waiting long.

Pics of our food are below, all very tasty and slightly salty (exactly how I want my fast food, don't kid yourself that you're going here for health reasons)

:

 tofu stir fry, didn't realise it had chicken to avoid but well worth it, even with the conspicuous lack of vegetables

shredded duck and pickled veg fried rice. Mmm mm good

 

Mr Nice Guy: 10 Healeys Lane Melbourne

Mr Nice Guy is a cute little Thai food place off of Little Lonsdale St. It is slightly quirky and tries to do Thai food with a slightly modern flair.

The lunch menu has the key entree, salad, curry and stir fry dishes you want to see plus a couple of chefs specials that offer something different. The food is good quality and tasty and has enough variety that will make me want to come back for more.

Senor Gringo and I shared the tofu salad and massamun curry. The salad had crispy tofu, shredded carrot, red onion, tomatoes and lettuce. It was smothered with satay sauce that while tasty in itself was a bit much for the salad - ask for the dressing on the side and you will solve this problem in a second. The beef in the massamun curry fell apart when I attempted to pick it up, just want you want from a curry dish, and as a nice touch it had broccoli and carrot in addition to the usual potatoes. As I love veggies, this made me happy. Plus, bonus points for them, you can choose white rice, brown rice or rice noodles to accompany your meal. There were also a range of vegan options (or dishes that can be veganised) and celiacs would be well catered for.

Nearly every table had a plate of spring rolls or fish cakes accompanied by lettuce leaves and dipping sauce. So next time I visit Mr Nice Guy I'm going to vote with the crowd and give these a whirl.

Two ticks, I would be a (semi) regular if this place was near my work. Only wish - that this place would have more spice and less sweetness to their food.

Spicy Fish: 209 Little Bourke St Melbourne

Two words: delicious and yum! This place is going to the top of my Chinese food list (which is actually a really short list, hey I'm fussy!).

The menu contained all the Chinese food essentials. Each of the dishes we ordered had complex flavours with layered spices, which gave me confidence that I could order anything and it would be good.

We ordered the shao long bao (steamed pork buns that contain soup), which were really lovely (think about a dish that you would call lovely, you know it is better than average). Plus, the dry fried chilli beef, which was fabulous.

I was overjoyed to see dry fried chilli beef on the menu. I have not found it anywhere else in Melbourne so far and frankly I was beginning to think something was wrong with the city for its absence (joking, Melbourne is awesome)! Dry fried chilli beef is one of my favourite Chinese food dishes and I don't think I have had it better anywhere else, thank you Spicy Fish. The dish was salty and spicy and a little bit sour. My lips were pleasantly burning at the end and as it was rated as 1 chilli, I would say this place deserves a spice warning in general. I usually go for the spiciest dishes on the menu and often ask for more. If this dish gave me burning lips, I'm curious to see what they rate as three chillis(?!) For the record, Senor Gringo was bright red and had to drink copious amounts of water and he probably represents the general public when it comes to his tolerance level.

   

Three ticks.

 Mm, fried beef goodness

The menu has pretty pictures for everything, so you know what you're getting. 

My Taiwanese friend ordered this. It was basically cold cooked bacon. I couldn't bring myself to eat it but it got a big thumbs up.