The Gem Bar and Dining Room: 289 Wellington Street Collingwood

For something completely different, we visited the Gem Bar and Dining Room in Collingwood. This is a grungy, rockabilly, 90s esque Newtown (Sydney) bar that serves American BBQ classics, only with better produce (in my humble opinion).

I ordered the beef brisket because the last time I had brisket in Melbourne (at Meat Mother Richmond) I was so seriously drunk I thought it was the best food ever (I may have annoyingly said that ten times over while I was devouring it). Since I was drunk that is an unreliable memory that needs to be tested (disclaimer: I have never been game to try brisket in America as I am afraid of mass produced grain fed feedlot beef, but I digress).

The Gem served me brisket that well and truly lived up to expectations. It wasn't just tender and juicy, which most places these days can master, it was also rich and smoky and just yum. If all brisket tastes like this, it is amazing (I'm totally getting Senor Gringo a smoker for xmas). Coupled with home made pickles and hand cut fries, we had food gold (although I did skip the okra, that was just a little weird).

My friends had the pork brisket (also similarly smoky with seasoning you wish was one of your family secrets), the cheese burger (suitably with the jack cheese and onion rings) and the smoked eggplant and mushroom veggie burger. All of us were happy except my vegetarian friend, who thought her burger tasted too meaty (she is not one of those vegetarians that would eat mock meat products or anything that reminds her of actual animals - no fakin' bacon here).

I loved this place and not just because it was nostalgic and reminded me of the inner west in Sydney but because the food was great and it had a fantastic vibe. With a place like this around the corner I would probably go out to pubs more. It was a perfect Sunday evening.

Captain Melville: 34 Franklin Street Melbourne

Fabulous burgers, steak, chips and seemingly random entrees in a beautiful bar with a fabulous outdoor dining space.

Definitely thumbs up for this place. I went with a group of eight friend and not one person was unhappy with their meal. Bonus points, they have a vegan burger and a number of very tasty vegan entrees. I ordered two entrees - miso tofu with seaweed and enoki mushrooms (OMG yum) and a black bean soft taco. If you wanted to order entrees only, I would suggest you order three, as two was not quite enough.

My friends ordered the pork sliders (apparently very good), the vegan burger, with an added egg and therefore no longer vegan (enjoyed by a meat eater and vegetarian alike) and a steak (ordered rare and served evenly pink/red all the way through).

The staff were also really friendly, so overall I would return & recommend it.

Two/three ticks - can't decide ;)

Boney: 68 Little Collins Street Melbourne

Tasty food. Small portions. Too expensive for a weekday lunch, especially since if you order one of the entrees to go with your too small wrap you will be looking at $30 for one person, excluding drinks.

I would say this place would be better for groups, if you are having a drink and a bit of a snack. The food was really nice just not substantial. The drinks menu on the other hand is impressive, with some of my favourite whiskeys and they do have bands most night to add to the atmosphere.

One tick.

Naked for Satan

Naked for Satan is a great little bar. It feels like a library for booze! Walls lined with bottles of alcohol, dark wood shelves, lush bench seats and sample platters to help you choose your tipple (a welcome addition since they have a 18 page drinks menu). Plus, as someone who loves snack sized food, I think the pintos are adorable. What I didn't expect is nearly everyone of them is on bread. Once I moved on from that fact I just settled in to enjoy. There are so many to choose from and for only $2 each ($1 in happy hour), how can you not? They even cater for vegans (albeit with fewer options).  

For more substantial food, head upstairs to the roof top bar and restaurant for Spanish inspired entrees, mains and desserts, which I'm assured are very good (I can't move beyond the pintos). 

The staff can be grumpy jerks or absolutely wonderful - be warned. 

Two ticks. This is such a fabulous Melbourne bar you can't help being impressed. 

Dikstein's Corner Bar: 433 Little Collins Street Melbourne

This bar feels like a home away from home. There is something I really like about it. It has that cosy, cluttered feel. The shelves are full of old wine bottles and cigar boxes and other little kitschy things.

The food is hearty and homely - pizza, pasta, goulash, stew and pasties. The pizza seems to be the star, there was one on every table. The dough is freshly made on the premises, not store bought and has the perfect texture. Along with the perfect size, single serve presented on a bread board.

I chose the salami pizza with pickled peppers. Mmm salami and pickled peppers. It was so good. Senor Gringo had the bococcini and pesto pizza. Apparently very flavoursome but a little on the oily side - really what would you expect with pesto and cheese??

I'm going back. Next time it will be after work and I'll have one of their many whiskeys to accompany my pizza. Check the facebook page, they have deals pretty regularly and not just on cocktails.

Two ticks

Touche Hombre: 233 Lonsdale Street Melbourne

Senor Gringo and I visited Touche Hombre during lunch on a bright sunny Monday. The outdoor tables were full but the indoor tables were empty. I put this down to the after work/lazy Sunday vibe of the place - it looks like a cross between a trendy bar and hipster café, with waiters to match.

The menu is interesting. It is clearly not your standard pork/beef/vegetarian place. You can order blue swimmer crab tostadas with pickled chilli and lime pearls; crumbed haloumi tacos with pickled beetroot aioli, herb, pear and pistachio salsa, duck carnitas or chimichurri chicken burritos. Lots of options! To me, this shows the chefs have put some thought into their food and are not here to deliver the same as everyone else. Vegetarians and gluten free eaters are well catered for and if you don’t eat dairy your options aren’t limited but vegans would be left eating the guacamole. Sorry guys!

I ordered the guacamole with slow cooked beef rib. This is exactly what I felt like on the day but if I wanted to order else I would have to do some serious altering to find food to suit - damn aioli everywhere. The guacamole was advertised as an entrée but it was very filling for a lunch option. The chips were great, not the same rubbish as you find on most supermarket shelves; the guacamole was zesty, more-ish and very flavoursome. It was topped off with pomegranate seeds and pickled radish - clearly someone here understands the importance of fermented foods! And my slow cooked beef rib was off the bone, nicely spiced and quickly devoured. I did not have room for anything else.

Senor Gringo ordered the sirloin steak burrito with truffled fried egg, habanero cream, pico de gallo black beans and rice. He said the flavours were very mild and it was nice but it could have benefited from some fresh veg, lemon or extra spice to counteract the cream and egg. If you care about vegetables, I would recommend you keep this in mind and make your choices to suit.

I’ll head back to this place on a summer afternoon.  

Bar Nacional: 727 Collins Street Docklands

Early on in our Melbourne journey we visited Bar Nacional on a Friday night. There was a live band, lots of people and a really good vibe. We ordered cocktails and a bunch of tapas items as from other tables it was evident the dishes were small.

I took the risky road and made assumptions about what was/was not safe for me to eat as the wait staff were really busy and we had already waited 25 minutes to be served, meaning I didn't want to mess around with questions about the menu (I had tried to order at the counter and see if staff close to the kitchen could help me but I was told to go back and someone would come to take my order shortly).

We ordered olives, marinated pickles, patatas bravas, a charcutrie plate and chorizo with octopus for Senor Gringo. I ate the proscuitto and bresaola but the bread was clearly the Barossa bread 'bark' with lots of yummy things that leave me feeling awful. Therefore, just the meat for me (tiny portion for $16 may I add). The patatas bravas were covered in aoili, not a spicy tomato sauce like I was expecting and the marinated pickles were just pickled garlic cloves, weird. Senor Gringo liked his food a lot, said my patatas bravas were excellent and his octopus was divine but alas we will not be going back to eat there.

If you have food intolerances like me, save this place for the cocktails, music and the atmosphere. Its best on Friday nights as like a lot of places in the Docklands, it can be very quiet on weekends.

One tick. Sad result. I will get my patatas bravas somewhere, I'm sure of it!

I left hungry but I googled 'best souvlaki docklands' and I wound up at King Jon's near Southern Cross Station: 175 King St. The place looks really dodgy and King Jon is slow and ancient but it is the best damn souvlaki I've had yet - the meat was so flavoursome even without the garlic sauce and he had bread with no dairy. King Jon saved my evening, for which I am forever grateful. Plus, Senor Gringo got to go home with a partner that wasn't hangry, of which I'm sure he was relieved :)