Common Galaxia: 130 Victoria Street Seddon

Massive food fail.

Look at the menu online. The food looks fantastic. I wanted to try it. Only, naturally, being breakfast pretty much everything had eggs or dairy or both.

I asked to alter the menu, as you do. Denied. I was told I can’t do that. I said, well than can I build my own breakfast? The waitress said yes. Great, can I please have ham on sourdough with salsa verde and rocket? No, that is not on the approved extras list. Did I hear that right, an approved extras list? Yes, you heard that right. I was a little taken aback, I shouldn’t be, I have been through this before. I said but you have ham, salsa verde, rocket and sourdough, can’t they just be added together? It wouldn't even require cooking, just combining. No, apparently not. Being too hungry to go somewhere else, I just ordered dry toast with extra crispy bacon. I couldn’t even have the mushrooms as they have butter in it and of course they wouldn’t substitute butter for oil.

The bacon came out practically raw. I was hangry so I asked the waitress to please ask the chef to cook it longer. She took it away and came back barely a minute later with no change to the bacon. She practically rushed off before I could say anything so I assume the chef was the issue and she didn’t want to have to deal with it, or me for that matter, I don’t blame her. I was so annoyed. Massive cross. Will not ever go back again. This place does not deserve to be in the GFG.

Senor Gringo has worked in restaurants before and his opinion is that good chefs like making changes to food, no matter how busy the place is. They don’t want to do everything by rote, same thing day in day out. Other restaurants can cope with changes. Why couldn’t this place? I left peeved. And, since I'm annoyed I will mention I overheard three tables talking about how they were trying this place as Chicco’s was closed. Yup, they were benefiting from the proximity of a far superior cafe that does things better. Plus, the table next to me was annoyed they weren't able to alter the menu either. Stupid cafe.

Cornershop: 11 Ballarat Street Yarraville

Breakfast is my favourite meal of the day but I'm getting to the point where I'm a bit sick of eating bacon on dry toast because the cafe cannot or will not do anything else for me. Nearly everywhere you go every single menu item has eggs or cheese, aioli, butter or some other tasty treat that my body just rejects (yes, I assure you I love these things as much as you do but having trouble breathing and feeling tired all the time is just no fun whatsoever, for anyone).

It was therefore with a little bit of trepidation that I approached my meal today. I ordered the smashed avocado and feta on toast with tamari and tahini roasted seeds and nuts (only with no dairy at all please). Senor Gringo ordered free range scrambled eggs with parmesan, rainbow chard, soft herbs and chilli, with a side of bacon. Sounds good right? Well it just wasn’t that great.

The second they put my plate down I noticed they had buttered the bread. Damn it. I rarely send food back because I don’t want anyone to spit in my meal, so cue the disgruntled scrapping. Not only was I annoyed they got it wrong, I get that kitchens are busy, people get into a routine and messing with the system can create poor outcomes, but come on butter and avocado? That makes two fatty foods together. You need strong flavours to overpower the avocado as it is without adding yet another fatty substance.

After I had scrapped half my bread away I tried to focus on the positives. They got a tick for the amount of greens –thank you, vegetables are good, I love them and appreciate when you include them; another tick for the lime wedge but they lost points by being stingy with the seeds and lacking a flavour substantial enough to create a good blend of flavours. All I tasted was processed white bread and avocado. Perhaps some spice could have made this a well rounded dish? The saltiness of feta could have helped, if they chose the right one, but then again it might not have.

Senor Gringo said his meal was similarly meh. Nothing outstanding. Even though the scrambled eggs were meant to have chilli and herbs he couldn’t taste them and some of the chard was not cooked enough, meaning there was a misplaced crunch. Plus, his bread was soggy as soon as it arrived and he needed to add sugar to his mocha, which I understand to mean his coffee had that bitter/burnt flavour. My chai on the other hand was homemade and better than a lot of places.

One tick for you cornerstore. Sorry we couldn’t get along better. The lunch menu did look more promising but there were so many things in there that were slow cooked and you probably couldn’t exclude the stuff that I can’t have. All in all, I won’t be back.

Bar Nacional: 727 Collins Street Docklands

Early on in our Melbourne journey we visited Bar Nacional on a Friday night. There was a live band, lots of people and a really good vibe. We ordered cocktails and a bunch of tapas items as from other tables it was evident the dishes were small.

I took the risky road and made assumptions about what was/was not safe for me to eat as the wait staff were really busy and we had already waited 25 minutes to be served, meaning I didn't want to mess around with questions about the menu (I had tried to order at the counter and see if staff close to the kitchen could help me but I was told to go back and someone would come to take my order shortly).

We ordered olives, marinated pickles, patatas bravas, a charcutrie plate and chorizo with octopus for Senor Gringo. I ate the proscuitto and bresaola but the bread was clearly the Barossa bread 'bark' with lots of yummy things that leave me feeling awful. Therefore, just the meat for me (tiny portion for $16 may I add). The patatas bravas were covered in aoili, not a spicy tomato sauce like I was expecting and the marinated pickles were just pickled garlic cloves, weird. Senor Gringo liked his food a lot, said my patatas bravas were excellent and his octopus was divine but alas we will not be going back to eat there.

If you have food intolerances like me, save this place for the cocktails, music and the atmosphere. Its best on Friday nights as like a lot of places in the Docklands, it can be very quiet on weekends.

One tick. Sad result. I will get my patatas bravas somewhere, I'm sure of it!

I left hungry but I googled 'best souvlaki docklands' and I wound up at King Jon's near Southern Cross Station: 175 King St. The place looks really dodgy and King Jon is slow and ancient but it is the best damn souvlaki I've had yet - the meat was so flavoursome even without the garlic sauce and he had bread with no dairy. King Jon saved my evening, for which I am forever grateful. Plus, Senor Gringo got to go home with a partner that wasn't hangry, of which I'm sure he was relieved :)